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For a large portion of my life, I’ve had this compulsion to store food. I’m not even sure when it started, but I felt like I needed to have a full pantry and refrigerator just in case. But just in case of what? That was the question.

Was it because I grew up on an island where everything had to be shipped in? Was I concerned that all the ships in the world would suddenly stop shipping food? I highly doubted that would happen, but I had no idea why I felt this way. No one in my family felt this way, so it wasn’t learned behavior. I just brushed it off as being a weird quirk.

Until the day I had a spontaneous “past life” recall.

I’ve been doing a lot of cooking lately. It’s helping me focus and stay calm. It’s been keeping me grounded and present in the moment and it gets my creative juices flowing. Or at least I feel like it does.

I’ve been feeling blocked lately. There is too much weird stuff going on in the world for my creativity well to be full. And it feels like shit. I am usually a very creative person.  I have a million creative projects I could be doing, but instead, I cook.

This week, I made two batches of chili. 

I cried a little today. A good friend of mine is no longer around. My friend and I spent hours in each other’s company.

Just being.

No conversation needed.

We just got each other. 

My friend had the most amazing aura. It was beautiful. Huge and sparkly like shimmering glitter in the sunlight. I could stare at it for hours.  It was warm and nurturing and loving.